Never tear us apart
August 11, 2008 | 11:35 pm | Blog | Girly, The Man | 1
C left yesterday for what is supposed to be his last regular trip overseas. This is the sound of me crossing my fingers.
At the start of the year we were eager to undertake this experiment, to live the life of vagabonds, to willingly separate ourselves for the sake of having more time together, and on the surface I would say the experiment worked. This has, after all, been a epic summer for travel: scooter rallies, road trips, overnight motorcycle rides. It may seem glamorous — I had a friend say Saturday “You’re going out of town again?” but the truth is that I have spent more time alone in the past 8 months than I have in the five years previous and when my husband is gone I miss him so much I can not sleep at night.
When he’s home we never fight because there’s not enough time to fight and make up for the previous 30 days. We sleep late and stay up late and eat out too much and struggle to fit everything else in to the allotted time.
But when he’s away I can barely hear his voice over IP without breaking into tears. I have to make notes about all the things I want to share with him because I’m afraid I’ll forget to tell him. We have to schedule sessions because his workdays are 12-hour shifts and he’s 6 timezones away.
What made it particularly heartbreaking yesterday is that this last time home has been one of the funnest so far. I really did not want to tell him goodbye. In the morning I said to him “I’m not ready for you to leave yet.” In the afternoon, as he walked into the airport terminal and I moved into the driver’s seat I rolled down the window and yelled to him at the top of my lungs “I love you.”
Wednesday I am flying to California for a week. And in a month, instead of me picking him up at the airport here in Houston, he will be picking me up at the airport in Frankfurt, Germany. To celebrate the end of the Living Apart Experiment we will spend three weeks traveling Europe. Together.
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