Recent, ahem, developments
March 28, 2005 | 10:51 am | Uncategorized | Girly, Hitched | 3
Dear Interweb,
Do you want to see my new wedding dress? Of course you do. Click here.
I think it’s very “West Side Story,” don’t you. Instead of C and I cutting the cake, we’ve decided that the grand finale of our wedding reception will be a homoerotic dance number featuring 1950s Puerto Rican gang members.
The best part is that my dress exactly matches the underwater-green color of our upstairs bathroom walls.
But the real best part is that after I bought my dress, I went Victoria’s Secret to purchase a strapless bra to wear with it. While I was there, I decided I should be properly measured for my bra size, because I haven’t been measured since my recent growth spurt. I almost choked on my own saliva when the lady said, “Yeah, you’re about a 34D.”
For those keeping score at home, that’s an increase of TWO cup sizes. I finally have the hip-to-chest ration of a Barbie doll. Thank you, Seasonale™.
You know, I was totally going to tell you how giant your tits were, but I thought that might be inappropriate.
How about a new nickname, instead? I’m thinking Chesty von Cleavagehauser or Nips McJuggly.
You know, I just read your comment on yesterday’s post and was afraid you’d gone all soft on me. And now this…
It’s weird, because I’ve known for the past 4 months that I was going through Second Puberty, but lately, all sorts of people have been casually making comments about my chesty-ness, like our Scottish friend Rich who used to live in Korea. He said his wife had a real hard time finding bras that fit, because they were all made for flat-chested women. Then he looked at me and said, “So, you’re gonna have a real hard time too.”
My friend Steven keeps refering to me as “Tig Ol’ Bitties.”
I ran into a former coworker this weekend, and while I was trying to talk to her, even SHE was staring at my boobs. Then she interrupted me to comments on their largesse.
MY FACE IS UP HERE, PEOPLE!
I was once in the play West Side Story. I played ‘Anybody’s’ and had to tape flat my not quite 34D boobs. (let’s be honest, they’re not even close, but I had to tape ‘em down regardless).