Rule, Brittaniea! Miss Beehive 1963
The Classic Bully
I’m sometimes a mean person. I know that. And I act really misanthropic, too, although that’s not really the real me. And I usually have a bad attitude, so I’m told.
Here’s the truth: I openly admit that all of my hostility and crankiness and superior attitude is really just one big act. It’s simply a [...]
Progress is something I can always work on tomorrow
I’m a procrastinator. It sucks, but as a result I’ve learned that I work far, far better under pressure. If I have too much time to do something, I will tinker with it and tinker with it and eventually all the original charm of it will have worn off it now it’s just too perfect [...]
Two stinkers
Do not try to blame your farts on the dog. The dog does not try to blame his farts on you.
Some cheese with my wine
We entertained this weekend. C, being the ultimate host, wanted to have friends over for drinks to celebrate The Official Unveiling of The Bamboo Bar, which is a little late considering he installed The Bamboo Bar, like, six months ago.
Still, as a Happy Bamboo Bar gift, some friends of ours presented us with a bottle [...]
Seoul survivor
A couple of days ago Lance sent me this e-mail:
Subject: license to il..
n. korea has the bomb now, yikes! dont forget to pack your sunglasses and geiger counter. i got you a going away gift as well…”How to Survive In a Postapocalyptic Wasteland for Dummies
This same friend, my dear Lance, also called me at work [...]
Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh
The worst thing in the world is trying to keep a secret about something you want to scream out to the whole wide world. *Huff.*
Thoroughly Modern Brittanie
This weekend marks one whole month since I was freed from the bondage of indentured servitude. (Throw that image around in your head a bit, you dirty, naughty reader).
Thanks to the utter generosity and complete support of my wonderful, understanding boyfriend, I quit my second job slingin’ Singapores at a local college bar.
A few weeks [...]
Beer and Scooting in Las Vegas
Update: Don’t try to going to Rolling Stone.com for any useful information on Hunter Thompson. Since, you know, he got his career started there and everything. Sure, there’s plenty of information on Cristina Aguilara and Green Day, but as for a real cultural icon, nothing. I hate that rag.
I had originally planned on writing this [...]
A Mrs. Understanding
Finally, this weekend, we worked up the nerve to call the parents and give them the good news. We actually wanted to wait and tell them until we had a few more details straightened out, you know, like the date for instance, but we were dying to tell our friends, and so we figured the [...]
You know what’s totally not cool…?
Using other people’s pictures to post to your completely unoriginal Web site without even taking the time to ask for their consent.
It’s also not okay to create several “anonymous” comments on your own Web site, which are really just posts obviously written by you, stroking your own ego and trying to make it look like [...]
Doctor, do you mind if I lay down for this?
One week into being engaged and my family is already reminding me why I used to say I would never get married.
It’s not that I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage, it’s just that in my family, divorce is like a pastime, nothing is permanent and no responsibility is too great to eventually shirk.
I [...]
The ‘C’ Word
On Richmond Ave. between Montrose and Shepherd, there is this place called The C Store. It’s a little convenience store in a strip center that I drive past when I’m taking Gus to the dog park. Without fail, everything I pass it, I snicker like a 12-year-old.
I think the ‘c’ word is probably the dirtiest, [...]
Letter to a coworker
Some people are just too damn hip for their own good. Personally, I don’t have the time to keep up with all the “fashionable” music, clothes, bars, trends and other superficialities some people seem to dedicate their whole life to. It’s all about complex social organization, who knows who and who is cooler than who [...]
My friends are funnier than I am
My friend Lance will be having the very first public showing of his photography starting this weekend. He sent me this e-mail about it the other day:
yo im putting ten or twelve photos on display at the king bizkit bar and grill on white oak, rich people hang out there so hopefully ill sell something… [...]
You know what’s weird…
When you are the only person in a bathroom with three stalls, and you’re in one of the stalls, doing your business, and when you’re done, right as you exit the stall, someone else walks into the bathroom, and seeing you exit that stall, precedes to enter the exact same stall, completely ignoring the other [...]
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